Jude's Birth Story

He's Here. He's Perfect. He's Healthy.

My sweet boy was born just 3.5 months ago via c-section at 6:04 pm 4.2.12 weighing in at the perfect 7lbs 11oz and 20 short inches long ;) at 41 weeks gestation.

I went into the hospital on 4/1 to begin the induction process. My biggest fear had happened. Jude was "late". We had gone in Friday for an ultrasound and non-stress test to monitor baby and make sure the womb was still a good environment for the little guy. My doctor wasn't too concerned about his living arrangements but even her little bit of worry about my placenta made me opt for an induction just to be on the safe side.

So, Drew and I arrived at the hospital at 8pm sunday evening bags packed anxiously awaiting the beginning of the process to bring our baby boy home. Much to my surprise, when I arrived and they hooked me up to the monitor I was already contracting fairly well on my own and didn't even know it! ha! I was about 3 cm!! :D
One of my requests was that the doctor did not use cytotec (sp?) during the induction process. In stead we used an alternative called cervadil (sp?) that is said to be on the safer side when it comes to softening the cervix. It worked like a charm and I was in pretty active labor all night long. The pain at that point was mainly in my thighs. It felt like my body just couldn't relax, particularly my legs. The nurse said this is common.
I could not sleep. I mean, who can sleep when they know they are about to meet their baby?!
Well, the nurse came in at 5am and got me to get up and shower and get ready to start the pitocin drip. By 7:30 I was having very intense contractions!

To make a long story short, a little while later, I was 5cm and my doctor was determined to break my water. I fought her as much as I could on this because my body was progressing wonderfully without this un-needed intervention, but she insisted.
She tried 3, YES, THREE, times to break my water. Let me remind you that this was before any pain meds or epidural. That pain was excruciating! At this point my contractions were really really close together and she was doing this during contractions. I went into what I consider to be a mild panic attack during this process.
They had to hook me up to oxygen and monitor Jude's heart beat because the trauma had his heart beat dropping. After he was born we discovered he had a huge gash on his head from the doctor attempting to break my water. This broke my heart. :(
After the 3rd attempt at breaking my water, it was a success, until Jude decided to plug the hole with his head defeating the whole purpose. ;) I love my child. :) He didn't want his cushion from the contractions taken away!
Anyways... like I was saying.. panic attack going on here from being jabbed during contractions. So, I began begging for the epidural. And after much persuasion and convincing my hubby that I was dead serious and I wouldn't hold it against him, he let me get the epidural. (Let me clarify that my original goal was a natural, un-induced, un-medicated, un-intervened birth. Drew was instructed to not let me convince him of an epidural.. if he could help it ;) Im pretty convincing. And I think he realized the seriousness the trauma from the water breaking attempts had caused.) So, seconds after I begged for an epidural the anesthesiologist was in the room administering it. Relief.

Little did I know, I had progressed tremendously prior to the epidural :( I wish I had known I was this close to pushing and I think I would've tried to hold out longer. Should've asked the nurse to check me once more, but after that water breaking event I didn't want anything causing me anymore pain in that area! lol!
So, it came time to push, I was 10cm but Jude hadn't dropped any. The doc thought it was worth it to try to push him down some by pushing. The thing that sucks about having an epidural, and one of the MAIN reasons I didn't want one, you cannot get up, move around and move that baby down. You are stuck. Confined to a little hospital bed where other people have to pick your legs up and move them around.
I pushed. I pushed for an hour and NOTHING happened. He didn't move one bit.
My doctor came in at 5pm and said it was time for a c-section. I lost it. I cried like I had never cried before. My husband went in the hall and begged the doctor for one more hour to push. Jude was not in distress, what would it hurt? So, she came back in and told me "you can try whatever you like but it's not going to work." Yes, the doctor said that to me. Believe it.
So, I took all my energy and all my tears and I channelled them to pushing as hard as I could with all my might. It didn't work. He didn't budge. I was told his head was through the pelvis but he was turned so that his shoulders were stuck. So a c-section it was.
Looking back I wonder, why couldn't they have turned him??? But I didn't think that at the time.
I was rushed to the OR like it was some kind of emergency but it really wasn't. My baby was fine. No distress at all. Don't really know what that was about other than it was 6pm. :/

Im on the operating table, crying my eyes out. Drew is trying to calm my emotions, telling me its all okay. Jude will be here any second now and it will all be worth it. I knew the truth in his words but I hurt. My heart hurt.

They begin the c-section and my epidural had worn off. I felt the first few minutes. I felt them cut me. Not completely felt it but it HURT. I felt them remove some of my insides. I screamed for them to stop.
The anesthesiologist began injecting my IV with all kinds of meds. At one point he had 3 vials of stuff in his hand. He yelled at my OB to stop the procedure. Only then did she stop.
I received enough medication and they proceeded. Seconds later I heard Drew say, "listen, do you hear that?!"

It was Jude.

It was the sweet sweet sound of my baby boys first cry. For the first time my heart beat completely. I began to yell "where is he, I want to see him, where is he???"
The nurse brought him around and showed him to me. I do not remember this but Drew says I couldn't see the nurse standing directly in front of me holding my baby (I guess it was all that medication they had just rapidly injected me with! haha!) But I was saying softly "I can't see him! Bring him closer to me!" lol! She placed him in my arms and I just closed my eyes and I smelled him.

He was Here. He was Perfect. He was Mine.

I just want to encourage all women who are expecting. No matter what your birth story ends up being, the end result is the same. Your birth story is given to YOU for a reason. Each is different and is used to shape you into the mother God wants you to be.

Come back later to hear about Jude's stay in the NICU

Photos courtesy of Allison Lewis Photography

16 weeks postpartum... and counting.

It has been 17 weeks since I last posted! wow! Jude is 16 weeks old. TIME. FLIES.
I am constantly thinking, "man, I sure do need to blog about all that has happened... Im going to do that when..." then, the time comes and I get busy and forget!
Busy is now an understatement when you have a 3.5 month old and run a full time photography business. Read about how my business has changed recently by clicking here.
Anywho, baby Jude. Oh baby Jude. My life is complete, perfect, wonderful, a dream.
In an attempt to catch you all up I plan to do several posts. I will start here and just introduce the little guy that made our world complete. Here is Jude Thomas Barnwell. Born 4/2/12 6:04pm 7lbs. 11oz. 20 inches long. First 2 photos courtesy of Allison Lewis Photography

We are beyond blessed.

Thank you Lord for this blessing. We pray that his life will honor and glorify you in every way. We pray that we as parents guide him and teach him your ways.

Amen.

40 Weeks & Counting...

Wow. Just wow...
I cannot believe we actually made it to 40 weeks! Well, 40 weeks and 1 day and counting!

I always felt like Jude would come early.. guess not...

Of course, now come the feelings of anxiety and a little bit of depression over the fact that we haven't met our baby boy yet. On the upside, Jude managed to stay in long enough for his dresser to come in & for us to attend my dear Uncle Brian's funeral this past weekend. Just a little reminder that God has perfect timing for everything.

Now we are just waiting and waiting. It seriously is the hardest thing Ive EVER had to wait for! & I keep telling myself to quit stressing about it because that will only delay the process but. it. is. hard.

As many of you know from following this blog, we are trying for a natural birth. Well, what this means is no no no induction if at all possible! Luckily, my doctor has been super supportive and one of them flat out said- "it will put you in a csection". Im only 1.5cm and 30% effaced and baby still hasn't dropped. All of which are factors to rather or not an induction will actually even work. In my case, I would probably labor for HOURS trying hard to just get to 3cm and wear myself slap out to the point that I want an epidural and then we'd end up in a csection for failure to progress. & we don't want to put the extra stress on Jude if at all possible either. So, we are just waiting it out. Which IS. HARD.

I now have to go to the doc twice a week and Friday Im having an ultrasound and non-stress test to see how baby is doing. He seems to be doing great to me... pretty much content, lol.

Anywho, I do know that he will be here by 42 weeks so that makes things a little easier to handle. Im just spending my days nesting and finishing up some last minute work things... trying to keep myself occupied and not thinking about how desperately I want to hold my baby boy!! Drew and I spent all day Saturday "nesting" on the outside of the house... buying home improvement things... and a date to the movies to keep occupied. It was so nice to spend time with him! We both typically work Saturdays so it was a blessing!

Daddy is getting so ready too... he has packed the car up and tells me in the mornings that I need to go into labor so he can stay home from work.. trust me, I want nothing more than for him to be able to stay home!! Hopefully any day now!

Baby Jude, we are so ready to meet you! You have no idea how anxious we are! We are praying everyday that you would be ready to come out and meet the world! But, we know that you still have some growing to do or you wouldn't be taking your time ;) We are just going to be happy that you will be healthy and ready when you do enter the world!

Until we get to see your sweet face... xoxo <3 we love you sweet boy!!!

-mommy & daddy

Maternity Pictures

Here are some more of my maternity pictures by Heather Campbell Photography! Taken at 34 weeks! :) Lets just say Im feeling much more "enormous" now ;0)

Thank you Heather for taking these for me!!!! You have no idea how much I LOVE them! :)

34.5 Weeks

My sweet friend, Heather, of Heather Campbell Photography, took some maternity pics for my this past Tuesday. 

She herself just had her first baby, a little boy, a month ago so we got to chat about that and what it's like to be a new mommy. It was so fun!

Im glad I got some taken. I was hesitant about it, considering how much $$ we are already spending on birth & newborn photography and how enormously huge I feel! but I think in the end Im going to be so happy that I took them once I miss that belly.

Thank you Heather and I cannot wait to see the rest of your artwork!!!

Last night we had dinner with some new friends who just had a baby 8.5 months ago and used the same doc that we are using. It was a good time of fellowship and conversation. They had chosen natural birth as well and it was good to hear someone be positive about our decision to have a natural birth! Not to mention Iris' meat pie was absolutely delicious!! ;)

Speaking of natural birth, our doula, Kaleigh, is coming over tonight for our prenatal visit. This is so that we can talk more specifically about our birth plan and draw it out. She also gets to come to our home (where we hope to labor as long as possible to avoid interventions at the hospital), so she will walk through with us how to make our home a comforting & peaceful environment while we are here. Once I go into labor she will come out and help Drew with soothing techniques for me and also help us to know when the contractions are at the right amount to go to the hospital.

We are very excited about this visit as it means that little man will be here very soon!!!

I think that knowing he is about to arrive has me in a state of eagerness, apprehension, absentmindedness, and excitement all in one! The combination of all of these emotions has me riding an emotional roller coaster each day. On the verge of tears every. second. of. every. day. lately. I think this is probably normal but man, I hope it doesn't get worse because Im going to be a wreck over the next 5 weeks! haha!

In order to pass the time and get ready for baby Jude we have been working on the nursery... well, the best we can without our dresser being here yet :/ It isn't scheduled to be here until the week before he is due! Praying it comes early!!!

Here are some pics of what we've done so far:

my friend Haley came and painted his initials above his bed along with this tree. We are hanging shelving on the branches but we have yet to get the right screws to hang it! I will post a pic of the finished masterpiece when it is done ;)

Also, Im going to buy a little bird house to sit on the shelf and paint it to match... notice the cute bird haley painted for us.

we absolutely love his bedroom furniture!

I sure wish his dresser would come in!! This is where it will go... eventually... ;)

We feel very blessed with what God has given us to prepare for Jude and make him a little space in our home! I sure cannot wait until he is sleeping here ;)

Not a great picture, but this is the cradle that is in our room for when he is first born. It was my cradle that my grandfather had made for me when I was a baby so it's very special to our family :)

The blanket is a blanket that was Drew's when he was a baby. I LOVE these family heirlooms!!! So special!!!!!

& here's Macy Grey... she has been upset with me for a while now.. I think she knows Im pregnant and about to have Jude. Animals can sense these things.

Here is lil' man's swing and seat from my parents. Cannot wait until he's here and can use them!!!

Have I mentioned that our living room is so full with furniture that we don't have room for Judes little things like his swing? so they are currently in our dining room. I think I made an "executive" decision today that this would no longer be our "formal" dining room. I mean look at it. That is pitiful & we NEVER use it. I want to turn it into a sitting room/Jude's playroom. He doesn't even play yet and the little guy has so many toys we don't know what to do with them all!

Will post pics once this is transformed too :)

Baby Showers for Jude

Feb. 4, 2012

My sweet family from Mississippi wanted to do a specific shower at my cousin Marly's house so that family could really spend time with eachother. It was so much fun just sitting and chatting with family! I felt so blessed!!

LOVED his cake! My Aunt Sherri had it made to look like his room :)

Feb. 5, 2012

My 2 bestfriends from growing up through Jude & I a shower for friends and family. I couldn't be more thankful for them!!!! They know how much it meant to me :)

Thank you so much to everyone who came and showed such love and support for my little family!! We are so blessed to have each and everyone of you in our lives! Jude is going to be one loved little guy! I cannot wait for him to get here and meet you all!!! :)