I don't even know where to begin.. so much has happened since I last posted in June! Jude is now almost 3 years old and Liam 17.5 months! So many things have changed and happened in such a short time... Liam had his first bday party in October, began sleeping through the night on Christmas Eve and now is down to only nursing 3 times a day! I wish I was better about keeping up with this journal. I love reading the past entries and reminiscing about how sweet this life that God has blessed me with is.
I guess the biggest change happening in our lives right now is our Foster Care Journey. Two years ago we sat at a local church in a GPS class preparing to become foster parents. About 2 weeks into the class we found out we were pregnant with our precious Liam. Drew and I had felt God calling us to foster after a sermon series at our church on foster care and learning the huge need in our community. Even though we were expecting again, we decided to finish out the classes (I think it was 12 weeks long), but to hold off on the home study and final paper work until after we welcomed Liam and felt we could handle more than one child much less 3, ha! I have to admit, I was terrified at the thought of having more than one child and wondered what life would be like. I'm glad we listened to God's guidance and decided to wait before fostering. Becoming parents of two was a lot harder than I expected. In fact, after Liam was born I swore up and down we were done having children. That two was our number. And I even began selling off our baby items.
Over the next few months God worked a lot in my life, revealing his plan for me as a mother was so much greater than what I expected. No, I couldn't do it. I couldn't raise more than 2 children.. heck.. I couldn't raise 1! I realized it is only through HIM that I make it through each day and that my children turn out "alright". God revealed to me how selfish I was being in my desire to "live my life" and not be tied down to crying babies and toddlers all day and move on to a different "stage" of parenting and being a grown up. He changed my heart and brought me closer to Him through this growth. I am very thankful for his love, discipline, and guidance.
Fast forward to just before Liam turned one year old we felt the timing was right to begin finishing up our paperwork and home study and get approved by the state to foster. We have had many delays in the paperwork process.. most of which was my busy schedules fault. But I'm certain God has a specific time frame that he wants us to bring a child into our home. I also feel He has a SPECIFIC baby in mind that will need us. It had been our prayer that Liam would begin sleeping through the night because we knew since we would be fostering a baby that we would probably be waking a lot in the middle of the night.. and two waking on different schedules at night... well, we were terrified!
Fast forward several more months to now, Liam is 17 months, we recently found out we are pregnant AGAIN (actually we found out on Christmas Eve.. the same day Liam started sleeping through the night.. God has a great since of humor.. haha!). But guess what... we are licensed foster parents as of last Wednesday!!!!!
We got our first placement call on Friday.. yep... 2 days later.. but the baby ended up going to another home that could take both children (it was a sibling situation and currently we are only taking one child at a time and under the age of 2). When the social worker called me back to let me know they had found another family that could take both she ended the phone call with "we will probably be calling you next week when we get more placements". As excited as I am to finally be at the "finish line" and after 2 years be licensed, it breaks my heart into 1,000 shattered pieces to know that there are that many babies in need of a temporary home in our state that they will be calling us back as soon as the weekend is over and DHR reopens from the holiday.
My prayer multiple times a day as I check my phone for calls from the children's home is that God's will be done. That the baby he has in mind to come to our family would benefit the most from being with us. I truly believe he answered this prayer the other day with our first placement call. As soon as I hung up the phone from telling her that we accepted the placement I began praying that if it was God's will that DHR would find a home that could take both children in stead. That God would do what is in the best interest of that child and of our family as well. And he did. His plans are perfect. So now, as I wait on the phone to ring again, I am praying it be only by His will.
I'm also praying for my emotions. When we got the first call last week I broke into tears. It's something we have waited so long to do, but it is such a heartache to me that children are taken away from their parents. It burdens my soul in ways I cannot describe and I can only pray that God would be gracious to me and give me strength. When I think of a newborn baby just minutes or days old being taken away from it's mother, the only person it has known it's whole life, I ache.
The only thing I can rest on is God's promises in His word.
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
God I pray that you would sustain and carry me! That your will would be done. That you would guard and protect my family! That you would make yourself known to the families of the children we will foster. That they would come to know you and that their family could be restored. Amen.
